How Do I Know My Partner Will Abuse Me?


SPRINGFIELD, Mo. — KOLR10 continues its coverage on domestic abuse with the alarming statistics of people who will be affected by domestic abuse.

We wanted to dig deeper to see if there can be warning signs and talked with two survivors about initial signs their abusers showed.

Both domestic violence survivors told us looking back there were several red flags they didn’t notice at the time. It’s something both agree they wish they would have caught on to before the physical abuse began.

“It didn’t begin to get physical until we got married but there were signs beforehand,” a survivor told us.

“If I would have realized he was extremely pushy from the get go. he did not want to take time to get to know me or bloom anything it was like we met one day and the next we were dating,” said Felicia Rose, Harmony House Volunteer.

Felicia Rose is a survivor and now a volunteer coordinator at Harmony House.

Another survivor we spoke to asked that we hide her identity. She told us her abuser started with being very controlling.

“Wanting to know where I was all the time. Wanting me to be at his house or wanting to be with me. Having to have tabs on me all the time,” she said.

“Are they texting you all the time? Are they calling you all the time? Do you have to give them your play by play and you’re only a month into it? Those are heavy controlling signs that this is going to further go into more dominating and controlling type powers,” said Rose.

Both said abusers demand all of your time and tries to isolate you.

“They’re going to try to turn you against your family, try to turn you against your friends,” Rose said.

“Typically is the way abusive relationships can begin because they want to get them away from individuals who can help and support them,” said the survivor.

Rose said the abuser could go so far as to encourage the victim to quit their job.

“So you can stay at home and you can relax and ejoy your day to day life while they bring in the income and take care of you,” said Rose.

Then she says it turns to “all you do is sit around all day. I have to do everything.”

“Once they’ve got you isolated and emotionally broke down that’s when the physical abuse can often times occur,” she said.

Rose said looking at your partners past can hold hidden signs.

“His family household was very cold and separated,” Rose said.

She said her abuser had a history of not being nice to his family. Something she said could have warned her from the get go.

“Are they loving and kind towards their parents? If they are odds are pretty high that they’re going to be loving and kind towards their partner,” said Rose.

She said some people can struggle if they grew up with domestic violence in the home.

“A history of domestic violence definitely can lead into current domestic violence both for a victim and an abuser,” Rose said.

Sometimes the signs just aren’t as visible.

“I have talked to other people who said he was a loving person. I never saw any of this. There were never any signs. Then he lost his job or he started drinking,” said the survivor.

But Rose said that’s often not the case.

“In most situations that I’ve experienced something was there that was evidence to this. Something felt wrong or was not right,” said Rose.

Both victims told us often times those red flags can be mistaken as love but they warn to be wary if your partner falls in love too soon. They also say to never let your partner pressure you into something you aren’t comfortable with.

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